everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
