Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
