Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
