It's Friday. Sex?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
