Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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