just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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