**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
