I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
