In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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