and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
