i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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