I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
