he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
