I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
