he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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