how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
