I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
