My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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