I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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