So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
