Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
