Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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