i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
