I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
