I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
