I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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