Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
