Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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