why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
