I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
