you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
