you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
