I love black thongs
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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