"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
