I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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