pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
