I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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