Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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