i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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