She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
