I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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