This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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