need another drink. this is the easiest way
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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