omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
