Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
