i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
