operation harelip BJ is a go
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
