The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
