In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
