Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
