took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
