I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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