so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
