It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
