Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
