I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
