youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
