I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
