i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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