My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
