Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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