so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize