I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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