pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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