please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
