a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
