i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
