No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
