okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
