i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
